Toilet Wisdom // One Step Civilization

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could play TENNIS? I ask you. Here is the dream team, united, ignited, fiery-breathed and like a steaming hoard of dragons constantly one, only one, contained within a self so terraqueously self-contained and terra-terrifically whole as to be almost indistinguishable from the preceding land and subsequent water, receding hand / sequined mortar, here to stand and make a stand in this higgledy-piggledy world, in whose folds we lie, at once prostrate and irate, consummate and deliberate. 

I thoroughly enjoyed playing tennis with this bunch, despite the latent vol. swimming through my bloodstream from previous day(s). Weekend was a hoot. 

What did you do during the weekend?

Usually I...

When it's sunny, I...

During winter, I...

Next weekend, we will... (future tense)

Five points for use of future tense. Hey, great! You formed a sentence in the perfect tense. Let's not talk about grammar, because grammar breaks my balls. That's the infinitive with s, because it's singular third-person. Simple present. You think so too, about grammar? I'm glad you do. If anyone wants to learn about grammar, please wait outside and pick your nose until you reach your brain. Twizzle it out like a noodle on a chopstick and fling it at the ceiling. If it sticks, more fool you. If not, place one end in one nostril, the other in the other, slurp and sniff 'til that baby doth whiff, check yourself in a mirror and chuckle to your heart's content. Re-enter and ask me again if I'd like to do a lesson on grammar. 

On your birthday, on your special day, you are given a bowl containing one humongous giant long noodle (<-- this bit is not a joke). One must slurp said noodle in one fell swoop is that the phrase? All in one, slurpy durpy, better hope your tongue and lungs are up to it; successful completion of the task grants access to the township's casket of good fortune. Take a handful, no more no less, and it's yours. This is why large hands are seen as lucky, you see?

One thing certainly worth remarking on is the bloody fauna. These silver-backed monstrosities are certainly not few and/or far between. They crowd in plazas and slink behind unwitting tourists who step back and come a serious cropper, landing on their sorry arses and giggled at by those in the know, who most likely have previously suffered. These critters swill their metallic jowls, coaxing regular snails from their caverns with promises of leadership, growth and an end to salt (their nemesis). Unfortunately, snails of regular stature lack the rhetorical clout required to ensure they get what they deserve. They pale, pallidly and pailly, into insignailifance. Hyuk.

Toilet Wisdom // TW.

Lessons have been going great actually, thanks. Yeah, really good. At the end of lessons, sometimes I ask my students to write answers to a couple of little questions. What was useful in the lesson, what wasn't, etc. That kind of thing. Helps me modify the lesson for subsequent classes, as I use the same plans for different classes. 

Usually the exit-slips (JARGON) are informative, sometimes funny, sometimes unbearably sweet. Here are a few of my favourites.

 

One student said she liked her 'funny and facetious teacher', another called me seductive. Mostly they are appreciative and make me feel extra appreciative. They are exuberant and lovely, and they jolly well keep me on my toes. Them sweetie-pies. 

I been running, climbing, playing tennis - muscles. Lots of people run after eating dinner here, in order to lose weight. Losing weight is a big thing. People think they are too fat. Of course it is kind of silly, because 99% of students on the campus are athletic as fook (JARGON), or at least generally toned. But, alas and butt, comparisons will be made, inferiority will be complexed, the passive voice will be used. So I've been running, not to lose weight but because sometimes after lessons I'm pumped and feel like transferring energy from my body to the track, via means of trainers and movement. What? The Movement!

Rock and roll. Peace and love.

Wherever ye are

wherever ye be

bear in mind

that all that ye see

is never too far

nor never too close

so sit on your hind

and love what ye be.